


Is It Hate or Love?

by Redpanda18



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Innocent Choi Youngjae, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Protective Im Jaebum | JB, Shy Choi Youngjae, bad at feelings, protective members, sick!youngjae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:59:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redpanda18/pseuds/Redpanda18
Summary: Jaebum has been treating Youngjae coldly lately and Youngjae just wants the leader to stop hating him. What will it take for Jaebum to clear up this misunderstanding? Apparently some help from the members, an argument, and Youngjae falling ill.





	1. Hate

Youngjae knows something is wrong. He knows that Jaebum is ignoring him. He knows that the other is angry at him. But he doesn’t know why, and that’s the most painful part. He can’t think of anything that he did to anger the other, actually he can but he really hopes that Jaebum doesn’t know about  _ that _ . He’s been trying so hard to hide his feelings for the older male but apparently he hasn’t been doing a good job with the way Jaebum has been treating him recently. 

 

“Youngjae” someone calls.

 

Suddenly a hand is right in front of his face and Youngjae jolts back in his chair. When he finally focuses on the person in front of him he realizes that it was Jinyoung who was trying to get his attention.

 

“Is everything ok?” 

 

“Yeah I’m ok.” Youngjae forces out.

 

He tries to smile at Jinyoung but it feels wrong and he thinks that Jinyoung can sense it too. Jinyoung just stares at him blankly for a couple of seconds trying to get a read on the younger boy but he can’t find an answer. The older vocalist sighs as he helps Youngjae up.

 

“Bambam is done with his photoshoot we can go home now.”

 

Youngjae simply nods as he follows Jinyoung to the car. He climbs into the back where Yugyeom is already seated next to window. The maknae glances up from his phone when he sees the main vocalist take the middle seat next to him. He looks like he wants to say something but Youngjae chooses that moment to look away and Yugyeom gets the hint. 

 

Youngjae’s eyes slowly wander towards the middle row of the car where Jaebum is having a quiet conversation with Jinyoung. _ He talks fine with Jinyoung _ Youngjae bitterly thinks. Actually he acts normal around everyone  _ but  _ him. Before Youngjae can get himself too worked up the car doors open and Bambam finally slips into the back seat next to Youngjae. The younger rapper always takes a long time to come out after a photoshoot and Youngjae still doesn’t get it. It’s usually dark by the time they leave so it’s not like any fans will see them and it’s not like they don’t have time to clean themselves up back at the dorm.

 

The car finally starts to move and Youngjae closes his eyes hoping to get in a quick nap before they arrive at their dorm. He hears Jaebum ask everyone else how their photoshoot went while he keeps his eyes closed. He asks everyone else except Youngjae, and Youngjae can pretend that Jaebum didn’t ask how Youngjae’s photoshoot went because it looks like he’s sleeping but Youngjae knows the truth. If Jaebum wants to continue ignoring him that’s fine, it’s not like he cares anyway.

 

* * *

The next day none of them have anything scheduled until the late afternoon so they all get to sleep in. It’s a rare occurrence and all of them gladly soak it up. Theoretically Youngjae should feel well rested with the extra hours of sleep but instead he feels like a zombie. It’s almost like he hasn’t slept in ten years. There’s also a tickling sensation at the back of his throat that he hopes isn’t a sign of him getting sick. He doesn’t think he can handle being sick and having Jaebum mad at him at the same time. 

 

When he glances over at the clock he sees that it’s almost ten in the morning. He supposes that he could go back to sleep for another two hours, but he doesn’t think that he can. Now that his mind is awake there is no way that he’ll be able to get back to that peaceful state. With a sigh Youngjae hauls himself out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom.

 

The first thing he realizes when he looks in the mirror is that he looks terrible. The bags under his eyes have gotten darker and his skin looks far too pale. But the scariest thing is that his eyes seem void of happiness, it looks like he’s a ghost at this point.  _ This is bad, I look bad   _ Youngjae thinks worriedly. He doesn’t want fans to worry, it’ll hurt the group and Jaebum will hate him even more. With that thought he quickly washes his face and tries to conceal his eye bags with concealer as best he can. 

 

As he looks back in the mirror one last time he tries to remember when things went so wrong. His relationship with Jaebum was fine until a week ago. Jaebum talked with him, joked around with him, even smiled at him. Everything was perfect, until it wasn’t. Youngjae guesses that it started after Jackson had made an offhand comment one day about Jaebum being more affectionate with Youngjae then the rest of the members.

 

The seven of them had been watching a movie in the living room one evening when Jackson had mentioned it. Jaebum had been letting Youngjae lay in his lap but the second Jackson had made his comment he became tense. Then the other members had started agreeing with Jackson and adding their own observations. Bambam said something about Youngjae being the only one allowed to wear Jaebum’s favorite hoodie and the only one he allowed to lay on his lap during movies. Youngjae doesn’t really remember anything else that was mentioned because Jaebum got up and left after Bambam’s comment with the excuse that he wasn’t feeling well. 

 

He left the rest of the group confused and Youngjae hurt. He didn’t think Jaebum would react that way and ever since then the leader had been ignoring him. Youngjae would have thought that he would have been mad at the rest of the members for teasing him, but no it was just Youngjae. 

 

The main vocalist lets out another long sigh as he runs a hand through his blond hair and exists the bathroom. He almost screams when he suddenly runs into someone on his way back to his room. The other person quickly apologizes but after that there is an awkward pause. Youngjae finally realizes that the other person is his roomate Mark and he’s giving Youngjae a concerned look. Youngjae quickly averts his eyes. He can’t bear to see the concern on the eldest’s face, that might actually break him. He’ll end up spilling everything and then Mark will hate him for liking Jaebum, then he’ll have two people angry at him. 

 

Mark must sense his anxiety because a second later he feels a comforting hand on his shoulder. He slowly looks back into Mark’s face and sees him giving Youngjae a fond look instead.

 

“You should go back to sleep” Mark whispers. “We don’t have to do anything until one and you look like you could use the rest.”

 

Youngjae gives Mark a small smile, it’s small but at least it’s real. 

 

“Thanks Hyung, but I don’t think I can. I have too much on my mind.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Youngjae desperately wants to say yes but he knows he can’t. There’s no way he can let his secret spread. So he keeps quiet even though it’s slowly killing him.

 

“No I’m ok.”

 

“You don’t really look ok but I won’t push you to tell me. But please know that you can tell me anything.” Mark says softly.

 

Mark’s kind words accompanied by his sincere look have Youngjae tearing up. He blinks rapidly but knows that it’s no use. He can’t tell Mark his secret, but that doesn’t mean he’ll reject comfort from him. So Youngjae silently steps forward and wraps his arms around the oldest rapper. He feels Mark gently return the hug and actually pull him closer. Youngjae fleetingly thinks that it’s nice to have someone care about him. Mark holds him a few seconds longer before letting go and Youngjae already misses his warmth. But then he feels a hand take his own and start leading him to the living room.

 

Mark gracefully pulls Youngjae down onto the sofa with him and forces him to lay down with Youngjae’s head on his lap.

 

“I know you said that you can’t go back to sleep but I think you can.” Mark starts.

 

Youngjae begins to protest but he is quickly shut down.

 

“You need the rest Youngjae. I know that you know it too. I’ll help you, just close your eyes” Mark soothes.

 

Youngjae is reluctant but does as he’s told. A few seconds later he feels fingers carding through his hair and it actually feels really nice. He finds himself relaxing and his mind becomes filled with thoughts of sleep instead of worries about Jaebum for once. Soon enough he finds himself drifting off to sleep.

 

Mark smiles fondly at the boy asleep in his lap. He looks so peaceful for once, and it’s beautiful. Mark thinks that Youngjae needs to relax more. These days he seems less like the sunshine he actually is and more like a robot. He isn’t happy anymore and it’s honestly kind of depressing to watch. It’s like watching a flower wilt and die. Mark has noticed the tension between Jaebum and Youngjae, and he knows that he isn’t the only one. Even Yugyeom seems to have noticed. Mark overheard him talking with Bambam about it the other day.

 

Mark is pretty sure he knows what it’s about but he doesn’t want to intervene and make things worse. This is also something only Jaebum and Youngjae can solve. It won’t matter how much the rest of them help if the two of them can’t solve it on their own. The thing that is really concerning though is how much Jaebum’s silent treatment seems to be affecting Youngjae. Mark knows that Jaebum is only avoiding Youngjae to try and sort out his feelings, he also heard Jaebum talking to Jinyoung about it the other day. The walls are thin in their dorm, he's surprised that Youngjae hasn’t heard anything. But what seems rational to Jaebum is actually hurting Youngjae. Mark is fairly certain that Youngjae thinks that Jaebum is angry at him, or even hates him.

 

He’s worried for the young vocalist. This morning made Mark even more concerned. Youngjae doesn’t get emotional often so he was surprised when Youngjae actually let himself cry after Mark hugged him. Mark honestly kind of wants to slap Jaebum right now to hopefully knock some sense into him. It’s painfully obvious that Jaebum likes Youngjae back but he’s just in denial right now. Hopefully Jinyoung will get through to him. 

 

“That’s cute” a voice suddenly comments.

 

Mark quickly snaps his head up and sees Bambam and Jackson smirking at him. He guesses Bambam was the one who made the comment. Bambam quietly goes to sit in the chair opposite the sofa while Jackson opts to sitting on the floor with his back leaning against the sofa. It’s quiet for a bit as all of them become lost in their own thoughts. But eventually Jackson breaks the silence.

 

“What’s going on between Jaebum and Youngjae?”

 

_ Getting straight to the point I see  _ Mark thinks. The oldest band member sighs as he tries to think of a good answer.

 

“I think that Jaebum is just trying to sort out some things” Mark replies evenly.

 

Jackson frowns and Bambam gives him a look that practically screams  _ seriously _ ? 

 

“Look, I know that it seems really unfair right now but we can’t intervene. The two of them need to work this out themselves.” Mark calmly explains.

 

“Are you sure about that? Because I don’t think either of them are going to make a move anytime soon. I mean just look at Youngjae! He’s miserable! We have to do something” Jackson shout whispers. 

 

Bambam quickly gets out of his chair and tries to comfort Jackson who is now pacing the living room floor. Mark shoots Jackson a glare and gestures to Youngjae hoping Jackson will tone it down a bit.

 

“Hyung I see where you’re coming from and I want to do something too but we shouldn’t push them too much.” Bambam states.

 

“Then what are we supposed to do? Just watch Jaebum continue to destroy the best thing that’s ever happened to him?”

 

“Wow Hyung that’s kinda harsh.”

 

“Ok calm down. I’ll try and get Jinyoung to talk some sense into Jaebum and you two can talk to Youngjae. But don’t mention anything about Jaebum’s feelings. That’s a conversation for just the two of them. Got it?” Mark asks as he stares directly at Jackson.

 

Jackson nods an affirmative and Bambam just smirks. 

 

“What?”

 

“You just told us that Jaebum-hyung likes Youngjae” the rapper sing songs.

 

Mark throws his free arm out to try and slap Bambam but the other easily dodges.

 

“It’s not like it was much of a secret anyway. We all see the way Jaebum looks at Youngjae” Jackson chimes in.

 

Mark makes eye contact with both rappers before calmly saying 

 

“Get out.”

 

The two boys flee the room.

  
  


* * *

  
  


When Youngjae wakes up he feels like he’s just walked out of an inferno. Everything feels hot and the tickle at the back of his throat has evolved into a full on sore throat. He blearily looks around and realizes that he’s laying on the sofa and that someone has laid a blanket over him. He assumes that the blanket is the source of his suffering and immediately throws it off. The cool air feels amazing on his blazing skin and he allows himself a few seconds to just lay there.

 

The sound of dishes finally reaches his ears and Youngjae realizes that everyone else must be up and eating lunch. He should probably eat too. Youngjae uncurls himself from his comfy position and stands up, but he instantly regrets it. A wave of dizziness suddenly hits him and Youngjae has to quickly grab the arm of the sofa to prevent himself from falling and cracking his head open. Once the spots have finally faded from the edges of his vision Youngjae slowly walks to the kitchen.

 

The other members are all busy trying to make their own lunch. It’s actually kind of funny watching six people attempt to make food in a cramped kitchen. Youngjae has a small smile on his face as he wanders into the kitchen. He reaches for the handle of the fridge when another hand accidentally brushes against his. Youngjae immediately looks up and comes face to face with none other than Im Jaebum. There’s a split second where none of them move and the two of them are just gazing into each other’s eyes. But it ends just as quickly. Jaebum retracts his hand like he’s been burned and quickly walks away as if nothing happened. Youngjae tries not to show how disappointed he is.

 

The main vocalist gently closes the fridge. He doesn’t feel that hungry anymore. He’ll just eat a large dinner later. Youngjae sees an open chair next to Mark and quickly slides into it. The older boy gives him a curious glance but doesn’t say anything. 

 

Lunch is relatively normal. Bambam and Yugyeom talk the entire time in between eating and everyone else just talks about random things. The only thing that sticks out is how Jaebum keeps staring at him. Whenever Youngjae glances at their leader he is met with a cold stare. It’s like Jaebum is trying to burn him with his eyes. Youngjae tries not to let it affect him but it’s slowly starting to make him anxious.  _ Maybe he’s just waiting until we’re alone so he can yell at me. _

 

It feels like an eternity but everyone finally finishes their lunch and Youngjae is finally free to escape to his room. They have to leave in ten minutes so he’ll need to get ready soon but he reasons that he can take a few seconds to get his emotions in check. The stress with Jaebum must be getting to him because he’s starting to feel a throbbing in his head. He should probably take some medicine for that.

 

Youngjae decides to wear a light blue oversized sweater for the radio show because he’s actually starting to feel quite cold now. He doesn’t really feel like dressing up and this sweater is really comfy so why not? After he slips on a pair of black jeans he decides that he can nap for a few minutes while the others are still getting ready so he silently lays down on his bed. It feels incredible. He wishes that he could just skip the radio show and nap here until next week. 

 

“Youngjae!”

 

Youngjae jerks awake and almost bumps heads with Jaebum who’s standing a few inches in front of his bed. He hadn’t realized he had even closed his eyes. Jaebum’s chin is doing  _ the thing  _ and Youngjae knows that he’s in trouble.

 

“Are you seriously napping right now? You do realize that we have a radio show to do today right? Everyone else is ready and here you are just sleeping. Come on let’s go, we’ve wasted enough time” Jaebum scolds.

 

“Yes Hyung.”

 

Youngjae dejectedly follows Jaebum outside to the car after he slips on his shoes in the entryway. Jaebum goes to sit in the passenger seat while Youngjae slides into the middle row. He ends up sitting next to Yugyeom again and the maknae looks worried. Youngjae realizes that he can’t take his frustration out on other people. Unlike Jaebum he isn’t that petty. So he decides to give Yugyeom a smile and quickly tells him that everything is fine, he’s just tired.

 

“Hyung-” Yugyeom begins but he is suddenly interrupted.

 

“You’re allowed to not be fine” Jackson butts in. 

 

Yugyeom glares at the rapper and starts to pout. It’s cute and Youngjae laughs a little.

 

“Like I was saying, Hyung, you don’t have to be happy all the time. We don’t expect you to be optimistic twenty four seven” Yugyeom finishes. 

 

“But don’t suffer alone” Mark adds.

 

Everyone’s eyes snap to Mark and Youngjae has to look away to compose himself. It feels like Mark has been able to see through him so easily recently. Youngjae is becoming weak for the eldest’s kind words. 

 

“Wow that was deep” Bambam comments and everyone else nods.

 

Mark simply rolls his eyes and goes back to looking out the window. 

 

They are almost at the building where the radio show is when Youngjae feels a hand touch his shoulder from behind. It’s Jinyoung. The vocalist looks around to make sure that everyone is asleep before he leans in and whispers in Youngjae’s ear.

 

“Youngjae-ah, I’m sorry about Jaebum,” At the mention of his name Youngjae becomes tense. “But please don’t hate him. He’s just...being stubborn. Can you give him some time? I know he’ll come around” Jinyoung says with determination.

 

Youngjae quickly looks to the front to make sure that Jaebum is still sleeping before he turns around and looks Jinyoung in the eye.

 

“I could never hate him. But what do you mean he’ll come around?”

 

Jinyoung smiles apologetically.

 

“I’m sorry but I can’t tell you that. He needs to tell you himself. Just be patient.”

 

“Ok.” Youngjae replies softly.

 

He’s curious as to what Jinyoung meant and he’s about to ask the other another question when the car starts to slow down. They’ve arrived. Youngjae silently reminds himself to ask Jinyoung his question later.

 

Once the car is parked all seven of them make their way into the building. Their manager is waiting for them and he leads them down a hallway to the room where the radio show will be taking place. 

 

When they reach the room Youngjae starts to regret ever waking up this morning. His throat is killing him now and his headache has progressed to a migraine. He also feels like he’s on fire. Every part of him is in pain and he doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through this radio show. He just hopes that he doesn’t look as terrible as he feels so that maybe he can get away with faking that he’s fine.

 

Youngjae is too distracted trying to hype himself up for the radio show that he doesn’t notice the worried glances thrown his way. Jackson starts to make his way towards the main vocalist. He looks like he’s about to collapse any second it’s making him anxious. He looked fine this morning, well not exactly fine but at least he didn’t look like death. Now, Jackson is seriously concerned for Youngjae’s health.

 

Before Jackson even gets a chance to open his mouth the radio show hosts come in and announce that they will be starting. Jackson reluctantly takes a seat and watches carefully as Jaebum is forced into the seat next to Youngjae. The rapper frowns but there’s nothing he can do about it now. He can only hope that Jaebum won’t say or do anything to hurt Youngjae even more.

 

The radio show went fine up until the very end. Everything had been going relatively smoothly. The members talked more to compensate for Youngjae’s quietness, even Mark. They also watched Jaebum carefully and tried to prevent him from hurting Youngjae, and it almost worked. Everything would have been fine if the hosts hadn’t decided to ask that stupid question. The question was actually quite harmless, but it was asked at the wrong time, and it ended up provoking the leader.

 

“Who is the hardest to wake up?” one of the hosts had asked innocently.

 

Before the other members could say anything Jaebum had already answered.

 

“Youngjae, by far. It doesn’t really matter what I do he just never listens to me. I’ll shake him and even force him to sit up but he won’t wake up until ten or even five minutes before we have to leave. It’s quite stressful. Actually, this afternoon we were almost late because of him even though we had the whole morning to sleep in. Everyone was ready in the car and when I went to check on him he was just sleeping on his bed” Jaebum explained exasperatedly. 

 

The radio show hosts had laughed and the rest of the members were forced to laugh along for the sake of the show. But they were far from happy. Now, most of the members are looking at Youngjae worriedly with a couple of them glaring at Jaebum. Jinyoung who is sitting to the left of the leader even hits him on the arm.

 

Youngjae is trying so hard not to lose it right now. His body is rebelling against him but the most painful thing right now is Jaebum’s words. The only thing that Youngjae can focus on is how the leader thinks that he is a burden. Jaebum definitely hates him, his words were proof enough. He’s trying so hard to keep it together but he feels like he’s going to break any second.  _ When will this torture end? Why do they keep talking? Someone put me out of my misery _ the main vocalist pleads in his head.

 

It feels like an eon but finally the radio show ends. The second they are done with the closing statement Youngjae is out of the room. He can’t stay in there with them anymore. Jaebum hates him and he bets that the rest of the members secretly agree with him that Youngjae is a burden. 

 

The main vocalist stops in a deserted hallway close to the entrance of the building. He can see the doors so when the other members are leaving he can just sneak back in with them and get in the car like nothing happened. He can act like he didn’t just run away. Youngjae slowly closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall with a small thud. Today has been a disaster, actually the disaster started a few weeks ago when Jaebum started treating him differently. He just wants things to go back to normal, it doesn’t matter if Jaebum reciprocates his feelings at this point. Anything would be better than this cold hatred.

“Youngjae” a stern voice calls.

 

Youngjae’s eyes snap open and he is greeted by the person he wants to see the least right now. Jaebum is standing so close to him that he can feel the other’s breath on his face when he talks. Youngjae can’t read the look in the leader’s eyes and it’s starting to frighten him. He can’t tell if he’s angry or not so he doesn’t know what to expect.

 

“Why did you run away?” Jaebum asks neutrally.

 

“I didn’t run away. I just needed some air” Youngjae answers lamely.

 

Jaebum narrows his eyes at him, now he’s starting to get angry. But so is Youngjae, he’s fed up with Jaebum’s behavior. Youngjae brings his hands up to Jaebum’s chest and gives a shove so there’s some space in between them now.

 

“What do you think your doing?” Jaebum shouts.

 

“What am _ I _ doing? What are  _ you  _ doing? Youngjae spits back. He wanted to have a civil conversation but right now his emotions are out of whack and the pain he's in is clouding his judgement.

 

“You’ve been treating me like crap for weeks! I was able to deal with it until today when you called me out in public on the radio!”

 

“I didn’t call you out to be mean. I thought the fans would find it funny!”

 

“Yeah well I didn’t think it was funny. Do you think it’s fun to torture me like this!?”

 

Youngjae is being irrational but he can’t help it. All his pent up emotions over the weeks are finally overwhelming him.

 

“Torture you?” 

 

“I know you know how I feel about you. Don’t try to deny it. I’m ok that you don’t feel the same way. But please...just stop treating me like this. Don’t...hate me anymore” Youngjae desperately pleads.

 

The main vocalist is aware that his eyes are full of tears but he refuses to let them fall. He has to show Jaebum that he isn’t weak so the other doesn’t look down on him even more. There’s a long stretch of silence and Youngjae takes that to mean nothing will change. So he keeps his eyes on the ground and runs through the exit, refusing to look back. 

 

If Youngjae had looked up during the moment of silence he would have seen Jaebum’s shocked face. The leader was stunned, and by the time he figured out what the younger boy had said he was already sprinting through the doors. The only thing Jaebum managed to scream out was Youngjae’s name before he was gone from sight.


	2. Love

Not even a minute after Youngjae disappeared Jaebum finds himself surrounded by his angry band members. Surprisingly, Mark is the one who lashes out. If the others are angry than Mark is furious.

 

“What did you say to him?!” Mark demands, quickly invading Jaebum’s personal space.

 

If he’s being completely honest the leader is actually afraid for his safety right now. He didn’t realize Mark could be this intimidating, and he does not want to be on the receiving end of the other’s fury any longer. The oldest member looks like he’s about to punch Jaebum so Jackson quickly steps in between them. 

 

Jackson prevents Mark from doing anything rash but he also looks frustrated with the leader. They all do, and rightly so. After Youngjae’s outburst he is finally starting to realize how much his actions affected the younger vocalist, and the rest of the group. The guilt begins to gnaw at him and now he’s also mad at himself. If he was in Mark’s position he would want to hit himself too. 

 

“Hyung, you need to go after him” a calm voice interrupts his thoughts.

 

_ Thank goodness for Jinyoung  _ Jaebum thinks. His best friend is nice enough to be patient with him even after what he just did. Jaebum knows Jinyoung is right. He needs to find Youngjae and set things right. But part of him is too scared to do it because that means he would have to confess his true feelings to the younger boy, he doesn’t thinks he’s ready.

 

“You like him right?” someone else adds almost accusatively. 

 

Jaebum looks to his right to see that it was Bambam who just asked the question. Yugyeom is glaring at his best friend and hits him on the arm. Bambam glares back at him and mouths  _ what? _

 

Bambam isn’t wrong though. Jaebum does like Youngjae and he sees why the rapper asked him so harshly. He hasn’t exactly made it clear that he likes Youngjae with the way he’s been treating him lately. In that moment he decides that he’’ll tell Youngjae everything. It doesn’t matter if he’s ready or not, Youngjae needs to know that Jaebum doesn’t hate him. In fact it’s the complete opposite.

“I’m sorry” Jaebum admits quietly, but they all hear it.

 

Everyone looks up at him in shock. It takes a few seconds but all of them eventually get over the fact that Jaebum actually apologized and are looking at him expectantly. Jinyoung smirks at him as he puts on a hand on Jaebum’s back and pushes him towards the exit. 

 

“We’re not the ones you should be apologizing too.” he teases.

 

Before he leaves Jaebum gives them all a small smile.

 

“I’ll be back.” he promises. And then he sprinting through the doors out into the cold night.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It’s raining heavily now and it’s dark outside because night has fallen but Youngjae could care less. He’s laying down on one of the benches in a park near the radio station. He regrets not bringing an umbrella this afternoon, or even a jacket for that matter. He’s soaked but for some reason he appreciates the rain because it matches his dark mood. Right now he just wants to sit here and have a pity party for a bit before he has to go back to the station and explain himself to the rest of the members.

 

The rain also feels nice on his hot skin. He’d managed to push the pain to the back of his mind when he was arguing with Jaebum but now he can’t ignore it. He’s definitely sick. It feels like someone is pounding his head with a hammer and his throat is on fire. But more than the pain, he’s just really tired. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to get up from this bench. He needs to go back to the station and let the members know that he’s alive. But he’s so tired. Maybe he’ll just rest here for a little bit, that sounds nice. The main vocalist allows his eyes to slide shut.  _ Just a few minutes _ he tells himself,  _ then I’ll go back. _

 

Jaebum frantically runs through the streets trying to find Youngjae. It’s pouring rain and he can barely see anything but he has to find the main vocalist. He doesn’t want to think about how long the younger boy has been out in this weather. He’s probably freezing and wet. Jaebum just hopes that the other boy has a jacket because being out in this storm for this long is dangerous. Each second that passes by makes Jaebum increasingly worried.  _ What if he can’t find Youngjae? What if he’s dead? He’ll never know how I really feel.  _ Just as Jaebum pulls his phone out to call the police he spots a figure lying on a park bench across the street.

 

Jaebum almost gets hit by a car as he sprints across the road, but it’s worth it. His suspicions are confirmed when he is finally right next to the park bench. The figure he saw was indeed Youngjae and the younger boy looks awful. The only sign that he is alive is his violent shivering. Jaebum quickly shakes off his own jacket and drapes it over the vocalist. His jacket it wet, but at least it’s not saturated like the rest of Youngjae’s clothes and it can provide some cover. Jaebum’s heart is beating incredibly fast out of worry and relief. He’s glad he found Youngjae, but he’s not glad to have found him in this condition. Something is wrong. 

 

Jaebum gently shakes Youngjae a couple of times and calls his name.

 

“Youngjae? Youngjae? Can you hear me? Please be ok. It’s Jaebum.” the leader begs.

 

Youngjae doesn’t respond at first and it  scares the crap out of the leader but eventually the younger boy stirs. Youngjae’s eyes slowly flutter open and he looks disoriented. His eyes are cloudy and he looks deathly pale. But his eyebrows are also drawn together indicating that he’s in pain. The second he recognizes Jaebum though he averts his eyes, it looks like he’s trying not to cry again. Jaebum wants to slap himself.

 

“Youngjae I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid...I’m sorry. I’m sorry I pushed you away, I’m sorry I treated you like crap, I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize that I like you. I’m sorry that I yelled at you earlier and-” Jaebum’s rant is suddenly interrupted by a small chuckle.

 

The main vocalist has managed to get himself into a sitting position and is staring at Jaebum intently. His blond hair is plastered to his face and his clothes are dripping wet but despite that he looks happy. Jaebum’s missed that smile, the one that makes him shine like the literal sun. 

 

“Did you just say you like me?” Youngjae grins.

 

“I-yes. And I’m sorry, for everything” Jaebum stutters out.

 

Youngjae shakes his head fondly.

  
“I forgive you.”

  
  
“How? After everything I did to you?”

 

Youngjae laughs, and it’s beautiful.

 

“You’re making it sound more dramatic than it really is. Also, I like you back just in case you haven’t noticed” the younger boy teases.

 

Jaebum rolls his eyes, but it’s more endeared than annoyed. In a moment of boldness he decides to pull Youngjae into his arms for a bone crushing hug. Youngjae returns it happily. But the moment is ruined when Jaebum realizes that despite the cold there’s an unnatural heat coming off of the main vocalist. He gently pulls back from the embrace to brush the hair off of Youngjae’s forehead to check is temperature. His forehead feels hot under the palm of Jaebum’s hand.

 

“Crap, are you sick?” Jaebum asks worriedly.

 

Youngjae’s eyes are starting to close again. He’s clearly exhausted. Jaebum takes his silence as a yes. Youngjae looks so small right now. He’s gone back to laying on the bench with his knees drawn up. He’s obviously sick and there’s no way he’ll be able to walk so Jaebum will just have to carry him.

 

“Youngjae? Do you think you could hold on if I gave you a piggyback ride?” the leader asks hesitantly.

 

It takes a few moments but Youngjae slowly nodes. Jaebum quickly helps him sit up and then proceeds to make Youngjae put on his jacket again. Then he crouches in front of the bench as he patiently waits for Youngjae to climb on. Eventually he feels a weight on his back and cold arms snake around his neck. Jaebum makes sure Youngjae is secure on his back before starting to power walk back to the radio station. They need to get inside as soon as possible. With the state Youngjae is in Jaebum is planning on going to the hospital. He seems really weak and Jaebum suspects that he’s still in pain. It would be best to go to the hospital just in case.

 

Jaebum rounds a corner and the radio station comes into view. The leader smiles in relief and taps Youngjae’s thigh to let them know they are almost there. But there’s no response. Jaebum feels his heart rate pick up and in his peripheral vision he can see Youngjae’s head resting limply on his shoulder. His eyes are closed and his breathing is unnaturally shallow. Jaebum tightens his hold on the younger boy and sprints the rest of the way.

 

When he bursts through the doors with a barely conscious Youngjae he’s meet with a mixture of horrified and surprised expressions. 

 

“Oh my gosh what happened!?” Jinyoung practically screams.

 

The mother of the group is instantly at their side trying to assess the situation. 

 

“I found him outside in the rain on a park bench. I think he’s sick. We need to go to the hospital” Jaebum rushes out.

 

Mark already has his phone out and is calling their manger who had left earlier to come pick them up. Jinyoung frowns when Jaebum mentions that Youngjae is sick and he quickly goes to check his temperature for himself. He carefully brushes Youngjae’s hair back and puts the palm of his hand to the sick boy’s forehead. Jaebum is right. Youngjae is burning up, even though the rest of his body is freezing and he’s shivering. 

 

“Youngjae-ah” Jinyoung sighs in sympathy.

 

He’s extremely worried about their third youngest. Their manager won’t be here for another ten minutes but Jinyoung doesn’t want Youngjae to stay in his wet clothes any longer. He quickly guides Jaebum over to a nearby bench and tells his friend to set Youngjae down next to him. The leader is quick to follow the orders. With the help of Yugyeom he manages to get Youngjae off his back and seated next to him on the bench. Jaebum keeps an arm around Youngjae’s waist to prevent him from falling.

 

“We need to get that shirt off of him. It’s drenched and we need to warm him up” Jinyoung instructs.

 

Jaebum is hit by a sudden wave of protectiveness that makes him draw Youngjae even closer to his side. Jinyoung notices this and crosses his arms and gives him a pointed look. Jaebum feels his face flush with embarrassment but he relinquishes his tight grip on the other boy and nudges him lightly. 

 

“Hey Youngjae, we need to get your wet clothes off. Do you think you can stay awake a little bit longer?” Jaebum asks gently.

 

Youngjae hums a bit to let the leader know he’s awake and has heard him. He scooches himself over so he isn’t leaning on Jaebum anymore and turns his back towards him. He feels Jaebum gently slip off the jacket from his shoulders and all of a sudden he feels extremely self conscious. Youngjae shyly strips himself of his drenched shirt as he tries not to think about how everyone is staring at him. Jaebum notices that Youngjae is uncomfortable and turns away to give him some privacy, the other members do the same.

 

Youngjae awkwardly clutches his waded up shirt to his chest after he’s done taking it off. He isn’t sure how he feels about being this vulnerable in front of everyone, especially Jaebum. He knows he shouldn’t feel scared about letting his guard down anymore but there’s a part of him that still feels guilty for worrying everyone. He starts to feel himself get emotional again and the pain he’s in is just making it worse. He wants to cry out of guilt and he wants to cry because his body seems to hate him right now. 

 

Before he actually has an emotional breakdown Youngjae feels multiple jackets being draped over his shoulders and is pulled into someone’s lap. He realizes that the black jacket on the top is Yugyeom’s when he looks up and sees the maknae smiling softly at him. He returns it with an even brighter one. That’s when he also realizes that he is laying in Jaebum’s lap. Youngjae tries to restrain himself from freaking out too much and the pain he’s in is totally worth it if it means he gets to to lay in his boyfriend’s lap. Youngjae actually isn’t sure what they are, but he can worry about that later. With that thought he allows himself to drift off to sleep again as he snuggles closer to Jaebum.

 

Jaebum watches Youngjae with a mixture of concern and fondness. The younger boy still looks like he’s in pain because his eyebrows are still drawn together but at the same time he looks at ease. Jaebum can tell that he’s content to be in Jaebum’s lap and that makes him extremely proud and happy. He slowly begins to play with Youngjae’s wet hair and finds himself becoming lost in the calming action.

 

Jaebum is too occupied with Youngjae to notice the other members giving him a knowing look and taking pictures. 

 

“They’re cute together” Bambam whispers to Yugyeom.

 

“Yeah. Do you think Hyung confessed?”

 

“Duh!  Do you see the look on his face? Also Youngjae looks a lot happier too” Bambam explains like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 

Yugyeom lightly kicks his friend in the shin. Jinyoung watches the two maknae with a grin on his face. He then looks back to Jaebum and Youngjae and smiles. It took forever but it looks like Jaebum finally told Youngjae how he feels about him. He remembers when the leader was a complete mess as he told him the other day how he liked Youngjae. Now they’ll probably be inseparable. As Jinyoung turns to talk to Mark he spots their manager frantically getting out of his car and waving at them. He quickly strides over to Jaebum and tells his friend that their manager is here.

 

Jaebum easily scoops Youngjae up bridal style and carries him out to the car. Their manager asks Jaebum what happened but Jackson steps in and starts to explain the situation. Jaebum smiles at him gratefully as he climbs into the back seat with Youngjae. The vocalist doesn’t stir at all even when Bambam accidentally jostles him a bit when he slides in next to the pair in the back.

 

The ride to the hospital is silent except for Youngjae’s labored breathing. It isn’t as bad as before but Jaebum is still concerned. When they arrive at the ER Jaebum is once again the one to carry Youngjae, but it wasn’t like anyone was about to try and separate them. Except for the nurses. They are all over Youngjae when he’s brought in.

 

One of the nurses even tries to take Youngjae from Jaebum’s arms and the leader has to refrain himself from snapping at her. Jinyoung calmly tells his friend that the nurses are just doing their job and that they’re here to help Youngjae. Only then does Jaebum put the vocalist down, and it’s only when he makes sure that the room they are in is safe from any prying eyes. Jaebum becomes even more irritated a second later when the nurse shoos them all out of the room while she examines Youngjae.

 

The six of them are huddled outside of Youngjae’s hospital room not sure what to do with themselves. Most of the members are on their phone but Jaebum and Jinyoung decide to talk quietly while they wait.

 

“You told him didn’t you” Jinyoung smiles.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Jaebum grumbles.

 

“Oh come on. It’s so obvious, you’re obvious.”

 

“Obviously in love!” Jackson taunts from the other side of Jinyoung. 

 

Jaebum glares at the rapper. He didn’t realize that the other was listening in. He decides to ignore both his so called friends and just stares at the hospital room door. He can’t see what’s going on inside and it’s making him anxious even though he knows that Youngjae is in good hands.

 

“He’s going to be ok you know” Jinyoung tells him with a more serious tone.

 

Jackson also looks serious when Jaebum makes eye contact with him. The leader fidgets with his hands as he tries to figure out what to say.

 

“When I found him alone and wet on that park bench I nearly had a heart attack” Jaebum admits.

 

Jinyoung nods as a way of telling Jaebum to continue.

 

“I felt so guilty. I knew it was my fault that he was out there. You know, he instantly forgave me after I apologized. And it was a sloppy apology too. I still can’t believe he forgave me, especially after how I’ve treated him.”

  
  
“He’s just that kind of person, forgiving and super kind. He's also the literal sun” Jackson comments.

 

“He really likes you” Jinyoung adds with a grin.

 

“I know. But I’m not sure why.”

  
  
Jinyoung promptly hits him on the arm, hard.

 

“I know you still feel guilty but stop selling yourself short. Sure the way you dealt with your feelings was stupid but Youngjae still likes you so that must mean you’ve got  _ some  _ redeeming qualities.”

 

“Was that supposed to be encouraging?”

 

Jaebum receives another hit but he isn’t sorry.

 

“Seriously though, thank you Jinyoung. Thanks for listening to me freak out about how I liked Youngjae and for being patient with me when I acted stupid.”   


  
Jinyoung smiles at him.

 

“That’s what family does. Now go be with him.”

 

The nurse has finished running tests on Youngjae and has finally opened the door.

 

“He can have visitors now but only one at a time. We’ll also need to keep him here for observation because his fever is still rather high. I’ve drained some of the water from his lungs but he should be fine now except for a mild cough. I’ve also left pills for him for his sore throat and headache. He should be fine to go home tomorrow” the nurse explains.

 

All the members bow and thank the nurse as she leaves. Once she’s gone Jinyoung gestures towards the door signalling Jaebum to go in first. Jaebum gladly takes the offer. He slides into the room and gently closes the door behind him.

 

Youngjae is sitting up in the hospital bed expectantly when Jaebum enters. He looks tired but the light has returned to his eyes and he’s giving Jaebum a blinding smile. Jaebum smiles back and goes to sit in the chair next to the hospital bed. He scooches closer and takes one of Youngjae’s cold hands in his. The vocalist looks up at him with surprise and curiosity.

 

“I’m really glad you’re ok. You gave me a heart attack earlier when I found you on that bench.”

 

Youngjae blushes but doesn’t break eye contact.

 

“I’m sorry” he murmurs. 

 

Jaebum shakes his head.

 

“It’s fine. It was my fault in the first place. We’re all glad that you’re ok. I’m sorry that I caused you to run away and I promise that you’re not a burden. I’m sorry that I ever implied that and I will do my best as your boyfriend to treat you well from now on” Jaebum confesses sincerely.

 

Youngjae swallows hard and desperately tries no to cry for the hundredth time today. But they’re happy tears so in the end he decides that it’s ok and lets himself cry it out. He makes sure to smile the whole time though so Jaebum knows that he’s actually elated and not sad.

 

“You called me your boyfriend” Youngjae points out with a teasing tone.

 

“I did? Sorry was that too soon? We can wait! I mean I can take you out on a date first and then we can call it official if you want. It’s up to you really” Jaebum rants nervously.

 

Youngjae lets out his loud signature laugh that has Jaebum grinning like an idiot. When he calms down Youngjae squeezes Jaebum’s hand comfortingly and looks him in the eyes again.

 

“I’d love to be your boyfriend! But I’m also going to take you up on that offer for a date.”

 

“You can count on it” Jaebum replies fondly.

 

Youngjae wipes the stray tears from his face and the two of them just spend a few moments enjoying each other’s company. It doesn’t stay silent for long because soon the other members are making their way into the room. Jaebum didn’t really expect them to obey the one visitor at a time rule anyway. The rest of the members fuss over Youngjae and ask him how he’s feeling. All of them notice how Jaebum never lets go of Youngjae’s hand the entire time. But none of them say anything, because they all know that’s the way it was meant to be.


End file.
